Month: September 2017

Taking my own advice.

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As I often do, I wrote a blog entry in Word. I couldn’t commit. Like I said, I often do this. It gives me an opportunity to sleep on it. I have MANY Word documents saved. Realizing I haven’t updated the blog in a while, I started reviewing these entries. I found us a winner, y’all:

07.24.17
I hate when writing feels like a struggle. When I am in the right mood and right head space, writing feels so natural. I edit, as needed, but usually the subject matter is there. I just wordsmith it and hope for the best. Before I started keeping my current blog, I rarely ever let anyone read what I wrote. The only writing I did on any remotely consistent basis was writing in my journal, which I grow to love more all the time. What was once a rigid practice for me – I have to do it just.like.this. – has become more free and flexible. Sometimes I just jot down points I want to remember. In blank spaces, I scribble band names I want to remember. In the back pages, I keep lists of gift ideas for people, including me. Sometimes I write a quote in a color that will stand out – red or green – for easy future access. I keep records of story ideas for me and for Todd. I stuff mementos between the pages.
When Todd and I visited with Mr. Arber (Richard? I’m too lazy to use the Google Machine right now) in his gallery during Marfa Myths in 2016, he mentioned that Donald Judd’s daughter, Rainer, keeps a journal with her at all times. That inspired me. I copy that. I carry a small, emerald green Moleskine in my purse at all times. This has had a serious impact on my writing life. Any time the mood to write anything strikes me, I can write. I write during breaks at work. I write while travelling with Todd. I write during meals. Whenever I’m moved.
That’s the ticket, right? I need to be moved. It doesn’t have to be sadness or happiness. Any emotion will do. That’s what I need to write. When it’s not there, but I feel the urge to write, I will write as practice and without expectation. I need to practice more.
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I do need to practice more. I recently completed my admissions essay for ASU. I even have an entry about that process. In the entry, I wrote that it was taking hours, not days, to complete. It ended up taking days. I’m sure I made it more difficult than it needed to be. That’s kind of my thing. The good news is: I finished the essay, submitted it, submitted my application and submitted my transcripts. Now, more waiting. I have to wait for some additional information before I can pay the application fee. Sheesh.

As an additional update, I had to buy a new Moleskine. It’s a different shade of green. More on this later.

Flashback Entry: 7-29-17

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7.29.17

Today I participated in hardcore self-care. I took the day off from work – a sick day. I woke up with the worst headache I can ever remember having. I was briefly awake when Todd left for work. I drank some water, took some Tylenol and went back to sleep. I woke up again when Todd was home in the afternoon. I stayed in bed; texting with friends, perusing social media, checking email. In bed. I stayed in the comfort of the sheets and all of the blankets (3) for so many hours. With Todd away, I also had all the pillows. It was soul-cleansing to just be still and quiet.

I finally got out of bed around 3:30pm. Then I only did the hygiene I truly wanted to do – shower, teeth brushing, hair brushing, deodorant. No shaving of any areas. No eyebrow tweezing. No perfume. No make-up. I pulled my bangs out of my eyes, but no hair-drying. I put on jeans and one of my new favorite t-shirts. When I leave the house later, I’ll slip on some Converse. Bare minimum.

Are you wondering about me leaving the house on a day like this? I had a plan that was made in advance. With the almost-but-not-quite-gone headache, I’ll keep my plan. But you took a sick day! I don’t see any way that I could have spent 8 hours in front of 2 computer monitors. I don’t see any way that I could have done my job effectively today, even with minimal computer use.

I feel extremely lucky to have been able to spend the day in bed being still. I know it’s a luxury not everyone has. A person who has dependents can’t stay in bed. A person who doesn’t have sick time at work would struggle with the decision to take a sick day and lose pay for that day. Gratitude is a part of self-care. Today, like every day, I am so grateful. Today, like every day, I am lucky.

“California. California, here we come.”

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I realized this morning that we leave for LA in less than 2 weeks. I have never been to California. I feel like I have been looking forward to this trip for years, but it’s only been a few months. Several months? Todd ordered our tickets, but I’m really not sure when. At different points in time, I have forgotten that we are going. It’s kind of a big deal, though, going to a place I have never been. I don’t take any of my travels for granted, but going to Marfa is more regular than going to LA. Man, I love Marfa. We opted not to go in 2018 so we can plan for a trip to Europe. I’m going to Miss that trek further into the southwest of Texas, but…. Europe.

I will be excited until it’s time to board the flight for DFW (layover town). Then I will feel anxious until we are off of the plane in CA. I will go back to feeling anxious again after we collect our luggage. I have never met Thad’s wife, Caroline. I have never met their daughter, Maddie, either, but 2-year-olds aren’t as scary as adults. aren’t as scary

Also, will LA be crowded? Is the traffic as bad as they say? Will I see any celebrities? How much is “too much” money to spend at Amoeba Records? How much is “too much” money to spend at the Museum of Death? Am I making the right choice in choosing NOT to go to the Harry Potter theme park? I mean, it will be right there, and Todd said we can go…. But there are so many other things to see….

We need to start looking for restaurants and making a REAL game plan. Less than 2 weeks. I hope to have a lot to share after the trip.

Hustlers grab your guns // Your shadow weighs a ton // Lookin out for number 1 // California, here we come // Right back where we started from

One night, Todd and I were sitting in the original Kerbey Lane – Central (Hail, ATX) when we spotted a guy who looked a lot like Jason Schwartzman. We ordered a ton of food for just the two of us (I know I ordered a poached egg dish, but we also had pancakes because it was Kerbey Lane and we are not androids) and spent a lot of the time trying to decide, Is that him? I remember looking him up to try to figure out where he lived, did he have any connection to ATX, etc. I read that he was a vegetarian. Not very helpful. In the end, we decided it was not him. I was tempted to approach the guy and explain why we kept looking in his direction. I don’t think we were staring, but we may have looked that way often enough to seem weird. Of course, maybe he’s used to that kind of thing.

I feel bad that I can’t remember what show we had just attended. It had to be Kurt Vile or Cold War Kids…. I’m leaning toward Kurt Vile. I think we went to a Kerbey Lane branch after CWK.